


Here and now

by This_ape_writes



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, Revival-ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 20:58:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4277682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_ape_writes/pseuds/This_ape_writes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A hospital charity event in DC makes Scully think about what she has.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Here and now

She hopes that the words leaving her mouth are coherent. They sound vaguely like English. A verb. A noun. Something like an adjective. Of course with her usual over prepared planning she supposes that it would be hard at this point for them not to come out right. She has been rehearsing their order and cadence every time she's taken a shower or couldn't fall straight to sleep for well over three weeks now. She has bullet points and a solid outline and sales points to hit to ask for their donation. It has been rehearsed so often the words have soothed their way into a well worn path in her mind. Now if they would just continue to slide out of her mind without her having to consciously think about it that would be perfect. 

So far that seems to be working out ok. 

"As...as you can see with just our very limited studies we have had a profound success rate. Much higher than our control patients."

The small group of four investors in front of her all give her nods and the appropriate verbal cues that they are listening. And the looks on their faces aren't those of complete confusion either. 

I guess that is something. 

So she keeps going. 

She will get through this come hell or high water. 

The hospital has spared no expense with this banquet. The lighting in the giant ballroom is soft and even though there are a large amount of people in the room the noise level is only at a soft roar. It would be pleasant, enjoyable even if she didn't have to be an active part of it. Trays of wine and champaign keep brushing past her and the food that intermingles with them smells fantastic. And makes her stomach growl. Maybe after this is over she can kick back, eat something nice and still try and enjoy herself. 

Maybe. 

If she survives. 

This is by far her least favorite part of her job. Although she knows it's not the same she can't help but see herself as part of a PBS telethon with all this asking for sponsors and people willing to donate to the hospital and specifically to her research team. 

All that is missing is the camera crew and various levels of gifts based on donation size. Like a nice mug that says 'we exist because of viewers like you'.

It also makes it hard that talking to groups of people is not something she's ever been good at. She doesn't have the smooth politician type of extroversion she remembers her father having. This would be so much easier if she did. She remembers being about ten years old and being allowed to be a part of the parties her mother would host in their home. She can vividly picture her father, being all smiles and handshakes and smooth conversation with laughs that wrapped around everyone he met and instantly made them like him. 

That particular genetic trait had missed her somehow. Her first impressions with strangers usually seems to make them uncomfortable. Or at the very least bored. 

And outside of that, even when she is able to win people over right away it is absolutely exhausting for her to do so. She doesn't glow and gain energy like her dad had at these type of events, she reacts quite the opposite. She can actually feel her energy draining from her with each hand she shakes and each smile she makes like they are all vampires stealing her life away bit by bit. 

If vampires existed that is. 

Ugh. Did she mention that this is her least favorite part of her job?

Thank god this round is almost done. She is all the way into wrapping into the sales pitch of asking for action when she is interrupted. 

A burst of laughter from across the hotel ballroom pulls what little attention she had left for her speech and she feels her words trail into the air and stop as she glances over her shoulder towards the sound. She shouldn't be surprised when her eyes find her partner to be the source of the distraction. He has been working the room like a Kennedy all night and he is now surrounded by a tiny group of people who are hanging on his every word. She'd feel envious of him if she wasn't certain that he is selling her and her departments research harder than anyone else in this building. 

His face lights up in a smile at something that is said to him and she feels her face pull into a mirroring smile as well. Damn him. He affects her when he doesn't even consciously intend to anymore. 

"Dr. Scully?" She turns back to her own small audience and she shakes her head.

"I am so sorry I lost my train of thought." 

"No need for apologies. I was just going to say that the research your team is involved in is just fascinating. I'm glad I made it out tonight. I'm also sure that I speak for us all when I say that we are looking forward to supporting the cause." 

She has a hard time properly responding as the people in front of her shake her hand one by one and trail off into the party. She had been so focused on her sales pitch she hadn't picked up on the cues that they were already sold. 

"Yes. Of course. Thank you," she adds as a pathetic afterthought to their retreating forms. She sighs and feels a rush of relief that she is finally alone. She lifts her wrist so she can see her watch face that has succumbed to gravity and slid well down her arm. 

Nine fifteen. 

A quick calculation puts this at two hours. 

Ok that's enough. She's done her fair share. Her talking and selling and attempted extroversion is finished. She desperately needs to sit down before she falls. 

And she really needs a drink. 

She spots a table in the far corner that is unoccupied and she snags two glasses of champagne from a servers tray with a nod as she heads towards it, avoiding eye contact and the possibility of being pulled into another conversation as she moves. 

She drops down into one of the rented chairs and she groans as her feet are suddenly free of her weight pushing them into the artificial arch of her high heels. It seems that her feet have grown accustomed to sneakers. How did she ever survive wearing heels every single day? Before she can talk herself out of it she kicks her feet free of her shoes all together and she takes a sip of her first glass of champagne as she settles in. 

She feels every bit of her exhaustion in sharp pains in the muscles of her shoulders and she rolls her head around in a weak attempt at finding some relief. She smiles again as, across the room, she now has the freedom to just watch her partner work. He is too far away for her to hear what he is saying above the many conversations around them but she watches anyway as he continues to talk to the crowd with demonstrative hand gestures. He has everyone around him nodding at whatever he's saying when she's hit in the face with a realization. 

She's seen him every day for...god the last twenty some odd years so it's slipped past her detection. This change.  
This new look.  
She realizes he looks younger than he has in decades. The weight in his shoulders that crushed at him for so long is gone. His eyes are bright and twinkling. She hasn't seen him look this relaxed or this confident in years. She shivers at the thought. His self assured easy posture that he swaggered around in when they first met is once again in his body and she doesn't mind the thrill of affection that pulls from her spine and into her chest when she sees it. 

Or maybe that's just the alcohol. 

She takes another sip and chuckles to herself. No, damn him again. It's not the alcohol. 

She settles into her chair further and uses the tips of her toes to grasp at a chair across the small table from her and pull it closer so her feet can rest against its cushioned seat. It skitters and scrapes and tips just enough in her favor that she wins. Her heels sink into the seat and as they do, she sighs. She takes another sip and sighs again as she looks back up at her partner. She jolts when she sees that he has stopped talking. 

She cocks an eyebrow of curiosity as she watches him pull his attention away from his adoring chatty group to scan around the room. His face sweeps across his shoulder and she can't help the smile that's back across her lips when she realizes he's looking for her. That tingly rush is back again and it is making her feel like she's seven-fucking-teen and she curses herself. 

She can never let him know he does this to her. He would be insufferably arrogant if she did. Well...more so than he already is. 

She watches as his searching becomes more frantic and when his eyes finally lock with hers she sees his shoulders visibly drop with relief and she curls her toes to keep that teenaged feeling at bay.

Easy girl. 

He gives her a questioning glance and he reaches up to tap his earlobe twice. She wants to roll her eyes at him but instead she nods and lifts her glass in a toast to let him know she is fine. He nods and holds up his hand. 

Five more minutes. 

He nods at her nod of acknowledgment and turns his attention back to the people around him. She has to get this grinning under control or her face is actually going to cramp up. 

And she can't believe he's actually used his first base coach signal on her. 

Earlier in the day, after she had shattered a glass in the kitchen, lost track of her favorite dress, and uttered fifteen separate increasingly inappropriate curse words he had grabbed a hold of her arms and had told her not to do this event. 

It was a bit out of character. Not that he hadn't always tried to protect her from the very first day they had met, but his protection had shifted into overdrive ever since they had reclaimed DC as their home a few months before and she couldn't understand why. 

He was getting almost smothery. It was as if he couldn't bare the idea of her feeling any sort of discomfort no mater how minor for any amount of time. A sweet idea maybe but one that was completely insane. 

It had irritated her when he had pulled the broom out of her hand and nudged her aside so that he could clean up the broken glass on their kitchen floor. And her irritation had only gotten worse when he threatened to FORCE her stay home. Her exact response had actually been 'excuse me?'. When had either one of them ever been successful in forcing the other one to do anything? 

The very idea had started an unnecessary fight. She knew she couldn't miss this function and he knew that. They had raised their voices to actual shouting over it. In the end, he had only relented and agreed to let her do this under three circumstances. 

One: He was damn well going to go with her, he didn't care if he'd been invited or not. 

Two: She would be consuming no fewer than three alcoholic beverages over the course of the evening and he would be their designated driver. 

And Three: They would have a code. She was to tap her earlobe twice if at any point she was overwhelmed or ready to leave and he would stop whatever situation she was in and they would immediately vanish into the night. 

 

He had made his way closer and closer to her as he listed off his demands, still holding the broom to his side. As he finished his last request of her he wound his arms around her shoulders and when his lips touched down against the crown of her head she felt any residual anger she might have had, slip out of her body, out into the kitchen and up through the ceiling into what might have been their attic. They had only been living here for less than three months. She wasn't quite versed on their houses full layout yet.

His continued concern, as overwhelming as it had become, was endearing. She sighed. There could be far worse things than a partner who consistently checked on your wellbeing and was willing to do anything to make you ok. Most people would give their left kidney to find someone like that. 

She just had to be reminded sometimes of what it was that she had. 

This right here was helping to do just that. 

Watching him like this, far enough away to separate herself from him, she is able to really take in everything about him that makes him who he is. 

That affection is back winding tendrils through her chest and it is starting to slip into something more tawdry as he shakes hands and heads straight for her. He snags another two drinks on his way and in a few long strides he's standing next to her. She feels her neck muscles straining on her as she looks up at him. He sets the glasses on the table and leans in to kiss the corner of her mouth as he sits down in the chair next to her.

"How many of those have you had?" He asks. 

"This is number two," she says, taking another sip to prove she is drinking them. 

"Good girl. And here, I got you two more," he said as he works two of his fingers behind the knot of his tie prying at its edges until it hangs weakly around him. "How are you, are you okay?" He asks as he leans back, resting one arm against the table. 

There it is. That overwhelming concern. To spite her earlier thoughts if it being endearing, when she's faced with it like this she can't help but feel irritated. He hasn't been this nerve gratingly smothering since her cancer. It's got to stop. 

"Mulder, answer me something," she says as she shifts in her chair to face towards him. 

"Yes I think that iPhones are definitely alien technology. That Siri woman is too eerily helpful to have come from California," he says. "We've been to California. You tell me. Do you think they could create her?" His stall tactics have always been so pathetic. 

She ignores it. 

"Why are you treating me like an invalid?" She asks. He frowns and flinches away from her. His face says she's out of her damn mind but his eyes tell her she's hit right on target. 

"Scully I don't..."

"From the second you asked me to move back here you haven't allowed me to do anything. I couldn't pack, I couldn't house hunt. I can't clean anything. I'm surprised you let me dress myself," she says. 

"You're being ridiculous I don't..."

"Mulder," she says reaching out to put her hand on top of his. 

He sighs. He sighs like she has asked him to do something viciously unpleasant. He tries to pull his hand free from her but when he can't quite manage that he sighs again. He settles for turning his hand over against the table and pushing his fingers in between her own. 

"I wasn't trying to smother you," he defends himself as his thumb traces the veins in the back of her hand. 

"But why are you acting like this?" She asks. He shrugs but she knows it's just a minor stall tactic so that he can gather his thoughts so she lifts her glass to her lips and takes another drink while she waits. 

"When they asked me to move back here it felt like perfect timing. I almost told them yes before I got off the phone I was so excited by the idea. But I don't know...I've been so afraid that coming back here would be hard on you," he said. "Too many memories. Too many ghosts. Too much loss. I was so happy just THINKING about being here again but when I brought it up you were reluctant so I...I think I may have felt like I was being too selfish. To compensate for that I may have been overly concerned with making this transition easy on you and I may have been a bit over protective." She interrupts him with a snort. 

"You think?" She said. Air escapes his nose in an attempt at a laugh and he shakes his head. 

"Maybe a bit," he says. She wiggles her fingers in further against his and it's her turn to sigh. 

"Mulder you weren't selfish for wanting to come back here. I completely understand why we did. I'm fine. Really I am. This hospital is so much better than my last. And really this will always be home no matter what. And now that I see how happy you are here? There is nothing in this world that anyone could do to make me leave here ever again." 

He won't look at her. His eyebrows are pulled in and he is carefully gnawing his way around the inside of his lip. 

"You don't...regret..."

"No," she says. His eyes snap up to meet hers and he chuckles out a laugh. 

"You don't even know what I was going to say!" He says. 

"I don't need to. I don't regret anything. I'm so happy here with you. I am. So stop treating me like I'm going to break. I'm fine." He nods and his eyes drop to their hands again.

"I'm sorry," he says. 

"Don't be. I love you anyway."

He snorts. 

And she changes the subject. 

"You know, Mulder there was a scientific study that I read about awhile back on attraction in established relationships," she said. 

"Oh?" He said lifting one eyebrow closer to his hairline, a smirk tugging at his mouth. She looks down at the glass between her fingers and nods. She pulls some condensation away from the rim with her thumb and she can hear him swallow as she lifts her finger into her mouth and licks the moisture away. 

"Yes," she continues. "They had several clinical tests, studying arousal and what circumstances created the most feeling of attraction towards their partner and do you know what they found?" She asks tipping the glass all the way up and polishing off her second glass of champagne. His fingers reach across the stiff white tablecloth to push another glass closer to her and he shakes his head. 

"What did they find?" He asks. 

"Thank you," she said circling her fingers around the stem of the new glass and staring at the liquid inside as she rocks the glass back and forth to send it swirling. "Well it turned out that attraction was at its all time high when the couples were able to observe their partners from a small distance being most themselves." 

"Really," He asks. 

"Uh huh. Some watched their partners give a speech or work on a project or engage in some sort of athletic competition but the results were all the same." 

"Mmhmm," he said. She hears the chair next to her scrape on the floor as it moves closer and she feels the heat from his arm as he rests it behind her shoulders. "And why do you bring this up?" He asks. She refuses to look at his face, but feels her lips tipping into a smile again as she takes another drink. She swallows the tangy deep gold liquid down and feels her head start to swim just a tiny bit as she shakes it back and forth. 

"No reason. I just think science is interesting," she said. 

"Mmm," he said. She feels the arm behind her shift and she shivers as his fingers smooth against the skin of her neck. "No other reason for mentioning this particular bit of science to me at this particular time?"

She lets a tiny groan slip free as his fingertips press against her with more intensity and she lets her head drop forward as his smoothing fingers dig their way into massage territory. 

"No," she said as his entire palm cupped around the width of her neck.  
That movement. That familiar movement. For just a second she forgets everything. She forgets where she is, what he's said, how she's feeling, all gone as a memory hits her.  
A memory of a thousand years ago when they had been stranded in Alaska and his hands had made the same path. That soft fluid movement against the back of her neck. Of course that had been to look for parasites and not to sooth her aching muscles but the familiarity of it all makes her heart ache. Her smile is going to be permanent tonight it seems, face cramp or no face cramp. She shakes her head and pulls back from the past and into the conversation of now. 

"Well maybe that's not true," she admits resuming their discussion. "Maybe I mentioned that study for another reason," she mutters as he pulls on her arms to turn her away from him so he can really get down to business on her neck muscles and to add her shoulders into his work as well. 

She loves that he just knows that her neck has been killing her all night. 

She feels a slight pressure on her right shoulder that wasn't just from his hand and she jumps slightly when his lips brush against that ear and she realizes the pressure is from his chin. 

"What other reason was there?" He asks, relentless in his pursuit of an ego boost. 

"Well..." She says in a low voice, "I may have been conducting a similar experiment of my own tonight as I watched you work the room and I must say, I think their scientific findings in that study were remarkably dead on," she said as he kisses her full against the cheek and chuckles as he pulls his chin away. His hands resume their massaging and she can't help the short burst of a laugh that slips out of her lips as well. 

"So your attraction to me is at an all time high huh? You know Scully we are in a hotel. You just say the words and all of this that I have going on can be yours," He said, his voice oozing with an over abundance of pride. 

"Huh what do you know. Too late. The attraction's gone. Maybe their science was flawed. I'm done with you now. You can leave. I'll get my stuff later," she said casting a glance over her shoulder just in time to watch his arrogance deflate. Ok either she had really wounded him or he was a damn good actor but the look on his face is too much. It forces her to pull free of his hands and turn around in her chair. "Come on, it was a joke."

"I know it was Scully but you have to know that's still my biggest fear," he mutters. She shakes her head and smiles. She slides her hands down his arms and she reaches to take his hands in hers. 

"Mulder, I am never going anywhere. You need to get over that fear. It's completely unfounded. And in all seriousness, as I was watching you tonight, while I was, yes, feeling genuinely attracted to you..." That earns her a smile. "I also saw how relaxed you were and how much younger you look than you did even just a year ago. It's like all that stress you were carrying before just lifted. You're a whole new person and I really like seeing that. So much," she said. He lifts her hands to his lips and kisses them before dropping them back in his lap. 

"Flattery will get you everywhere Scully," he said with a crooked grin. 

"I'm serious. I've been worried about you for so so SO long, I'm just really thankful we decided to move home. This has been good for us both. And I just, I love seeing you happy,"she said. The unexpected emotion of it all coupled with her exhaustion and three rapidly consumed alcoholic beverages is the perfect storm for her eyes to start filling with tears. She tries to blink them back into her head but two of them drip free and he catches them with his wrist, unwilling to let her hands go. 

Several long seconds tick by while neither of them are able to do anything but stare at each other. She smiles at the same time he does and more tears break free until he is forced to let go of her hand so he can brush the unexpected physical manifestation of her emotions away from her cheek with his thumb. 

"Whats say you and I get out of here," he says. She nods. 

"Please. Oh. But lets stop for burgers on the way home though I'm starving," she drops his hands and kicks under the table to find her shoes before reaching down to grab them. As she comes up the room spins and he steadies her as they both stand. "Woah," she says. "I think I might be just a tiny bit intoxicated," she says as he pulls her against him and supports her as they walk. 

"Well you haven't eaten since breakfast and you just pounded down three glasses of champagne. I would say that, yes you are probably intoxicated." Without her heels on, their height difference is laughable but he still manages to keep her steady somehow. Her new shoes hang from her fingers and knock into the side of her leg in a steady rhythm as they move forward across the large ballroom towards the exit doors. 

"Their science is flawed though," he says as he kisses her head and then leans against the release latch bar of the door to swing it out into the night air. His arm is still around her and even though he lets her go through the door first he his right behind her when she does. 

"How is it flawed, Mulder?" She asks. 

"Because watching you from a distance is nothing. I feel most attracted to you here. Right now. Drunk like a college kid and in my arms. This is it for me Scully. God I'm a sucker," he says. She stumbles a bit and kisses him as they continue to attempt to walk towards the car.

"Well Mulder, you have always wrinkled your nose in disgust at my scientific answers. I wouldn't expect anything else. It's exactly why I love you." His laugh is loud and happy and perfect to her ears through the silence of the parking lot. 

"Scully?" He says. "Let's go home."


End file.
